TheGuideToCatchingAndOwningXou

GUIDE TO CATCHING AND OWNING XOUZALINNS

                    By: Shatter Suta-bo-n

Step 1: Research
The first step to catching any animal is to know enough about it to possibly outsmart it. Read the following:

● Xouzalinns are rare creatures. They're usually found in the depths of the Pixel, Kingdom Hearts, and Webcomic regions of deviantART.

● They are very smart, and spend their first few minutes outside their den to socialize.

● Xouzalinns are mostly female, but, on occasion, a male Xouzalinn can be seen lurking around.

● Xouzalinns are very dormant, only coming out at night for a few days. However, in summer, Xouzalinns are seen almost everwhere.

● Xouzalinns come in many verities. The most common is a brown-haired creature with green eyes, but a periwinkle-haired Xouzalinn with blue eyes is often spotted.

● Xouzalinns can be very temperamental and bipolar, so watch out

● Xouzalinns have horrible grooming methods, so if it had matted hair, it's a Xouzalinn.

Step 2: Bait

So now that you know what a Xouzalinn is, you go out with a gun, right? WRONG. Xouzalinns are smart creatures and will run at the very sight of a gun. The bst way to catch a Xouzalinn in a simple drop-cage trp, seeing as Xouzalinns are very weak creatures.

Consider the following when baiting the trap:

●Xouzalinns LOVE chocolate. They are natural chocoholics of the world. Plop a good sized heap of dark chocolate under the cage of the trap.

● No chocolate on hand? No problem! Xouzalinns are gullible creatures. They respond well to audio and therefore enjoy music. Most Xouzalinns respond to the following:

-Techno-Pop- Black Eyed Peas
Pop- Lady GaGa
Alternative- Nickelback, Three Days Grace, Kerli
Metal- Evanescence, Disturbed
Classical- Vienna Teng, Ludwig Van Beethoven

● Xouzalinns also love Hot Pockets.

Step 3: Patience
Xouzalinns are smart creatures. They may or may not see that a trap is waiting. It may take hours- or even days- for a Xouzalinn to warm up to the bait, so have ways to entertain yourself. Avoid books, video games or drawing supplies, for these will draw the Xouzalinn away from the trap to you.

Though waiting may not be fun for anyone, Xouzalinns amuse themselves by studying other people, so waiters are just for them. To avoid being a long-term reconnaissance target, only stay for a maximum of three days.

Step 3.5: Leaving
I'm so sorry to hear about your failure in capturing a Xouzalinn. No, really, I am. But still, you have to leave if it's a failure. Don't take the same route you took to the trap's spot, or Xouzalinns will follow you into your house/ apartment/ box and annoy you for days.

To avoid that, double-track, walk in circles or take a long, intricate way out of the [insert wherever you're hunting here]. Xouzalinns have a great sense of smell, but horrible eyesight. Xouzalinns will also get bored if you take a long way out, and thy will give up.

Step 4: The Capture
You made a drop-cage trap, right? Good! Drop the cage! Hurry! Xouzalinns will see the trap if you don't hurry!

Now that it's in your cage, slip something under it, like a plank of wood so you can carry it to your truck. Yes. Truck. It has to be a truck, or the Xouzalinn will get aggressive.

Step 5: What Do I Do Now That I Have A Xouzalinn?
Q: What do I do with this matted, bipolar, touchy Xouzalinn now that I have it?

A: It's true, Xouzalinns are worth almost nothing on the black market, but they make great pets when you desensitize them to your surroundings. Desensitization may take a while, but be patient. Lock the doors, cover the furniture and hide the mocha frapaccino lattes.

Q: Where do Xouzalinns sleep?

A: Xouzalinns will sleep pretty much anywhere, but prefer loveseats and futons.

Q: What do Xouzalinns eat?

A: Xouzalinns eat pretty much anything but seafood. Xouzalinns like fruit, meat and potatoes. It's bad for Xouzalinns to eat candy, but it's nice for a treat when yor Xouzalinn has been exceptionally well-behaved.

Congradulations on catching and owning a Xouzalinn! Don't let it kill you, m'kay?